In a perfect world, everyone would be patient, kind and respectful. But as you know, we don't live in a perfect world. Having a stroke reminded me that life is short and we don't need to spend precious time with people who don't treat us the way we deserve to be treated.
That said, I need a new cardiologist. My cardiologist is a recognized lipid specialist in RI. About 5 years ago, I was referred to her to lower my cholesterol. For her help getting the cholesterol down, and especially for the assistance she has given my primary care, I am very grateful. But for the way she treats me personally, I have no intention of seeing her again.
There is a quote from Maya Angelou that I like:
“I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.”
I have always been fairly tolerant and try to forget the little things. I know that people say things they don't mean when they are upset or hurt or in pain. They will do inconsiderate things sometimes. But when people now make me feel dismissed or discounted, disregard my experience or dismissed that I have challenges or struggles, then I find it very hard to forget. I was never very good at confrontation and having aphasia has it's worse.
My recent visit to this cardiologist was the last straw. I had been going to her for about a year before the stroke. At the first visit with her after the stroke, she greeted me with "Oh, I heard something happened. I thought it was just a TIA." Well TIAs, sometimes called mini strokes are nothing to "sneeze at". Certainly if you are a medical professional, even a TIA should have been something to worry about. This was the first indication I had that my experience wasn't that important to her.
From that visit, she mostly talked to me about my diet and asked from time to time if I was working yet. Once the office staff made me take a EKG even though I had a loop recorder (heart monitor) implanted in my chest which gave the doctors consistent heart monitoring. When I complained to her about this unnecessary test, she replied "Why are you concerned, your insurance will just pay for it." She was clueless about my feeling about getting a test which was not needed.
Last week I went for another follow up appointment. But when she finally started the appointment and asked "so what caused the stroke?" The appointment started on the wrong foot and got continually worse. The topic of my getting the loop recorder removed came up. I thanked her for making that happen and told her how grateful I was that it was removed as it caused me discomfort daily for over 3 years. She replied, "Most people keep it in..." Huh? Didn't she listen to me???
She went through her standard "speech" about getting all protein from plants, etc... and finally said "You were very lucky ....all you have is the speech... My brother in law wasn't so lucky. He has left side paralysis. He drives now.......It's so sad.... I was at a loss for words. Even without having aphasia, I didn't know how to accurately describe how I felt but with aphasia I absolutely could not. I started to explain that I had a lot of other problems and that the "speech" as she mimimalized it caused major challenges. I wish I could have stood up for myself more. As it was, I am so proud that I got some words out. I honestly can't remember the way the appointment ended. I was so upset. In this short period of time, she disregarded my feelings, my experiences and my challenges all at once.
So now I find myself in a situation where I need to make a decision. Do I try to forget what she said and continue going to see her like nothing happened? Do I ask my family to speak on my behalf advocating for her to be more considerate and respectful?
I reflected on the quote from Maya Angelou and remembered what I told just you about life being too short. Since the stroke I have spent a great deal of effort to be independent so I will not ask my family to intervene. I respect myself too much to just pretend nothing happened.
The only solution I have is to ask for a referral to another cardiologist and that is what I am going to do. If you, like me, find yourself feeling disregarded, I hope you will be able to find the words to defend yourself or at least find a way to move away from those people. We deserve better than this!
Cheryl, what you have witnessed and experienced was no doubt medical and human incompetence. Any further info and assistance (including a referral) from this pain provider would be dangerous, even life threatening as this doctor appears to not have your best interests at heart (not meant as a pun)! Use your primary care person and internet research to secure your new specialist. Keep on keeping on! Cap
Sorry you had this experience, Cheryl. Some doctors are better than others. And some have more people skills than others. Good luck in finding the right one.
Oh my word Cheryl. There is no excuse whatsoever the way you were treated! And to call herself a medical professional 🤬! In the first place she should not have taken what her brother-in-law has and compare them to what you have. Who is she to say which is worst!
Having aphasia as well, I completely know how you feel in wanting to explain yourself but you could not fully. It is SO frustrating! But you did all that you can...good for you!!
After you found a new Cardiologist, write her a letter so that she would not do what she did to you to somebody else. She has to know that her actions has hurt somebody.
Be well and…