As I write, my husband is getting ready to go back to RI without me. The plan is that I will stay here in the apartment in VA while he takes care of things back home. When we came for Christmas, this was the plan (my plan actually). I really don’t need to go back to RI now. As you know, I’m “retired”. I love being here in VA. If I’m here, I can see my granddaughter and daughter and possibly help out if they need me.
But, as my husband packs up for his trip which will last 2 weeks, I’m sitting here wondering if this was the best plan. I haven’t really been alone since the stroke. Of course I go places by myself. I’m home sometimes by myself, too. I’m pretty independent. I don’t have physical challenges from the stroke, mostly communication issues. And I can communicate effectively now even though my speech is slower and I don’t pronounce all words correctly. People tend to understand what I’m saying especially if it’s earlier in the day and I made sure that I talk loud enough and articulate carefully (it's exhausting).
It doesn’t help that I think my husband is a bit apprehensive. I know he thinks that I am capable, but he just doesn’t want anything to happen.
A part of me is really excited too. I’m going to have lots of time to write my blog and hopefully start chapter 2 of my memoir. I can put on music and dance without anyone but the dog seeing how badly I dance. I can have meatless meals. I can watch Christmas movies.
I can do what I want, when I want.
But wait…. Can’t I do all these things anyway? Having my husband here doesn’t stop me from doing any of these things…. So why get excited?
Really, the only thing is I’ll be on my own. I can prove to myself that I can do this. And after having a stroke, that is very important to me.
Wish me luck!
I
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