Set timer for 20 minutes. Write whatever comes to mind. Here goes…
Getting ready to go see my dad in the hospital. Today he is supposed to be transferred to rehab facility. Thank goodness for auto word choice and spell check; it makes this writing easier and better for my readers because my spelling is so off today.
This while experience with my father this week. Traveling back to RI on Wednesday and going straight to the hospital to visit him has been tougher than I expected. My aphasia and apraxia are in high gear. Words are tough to get out. And the trauma of going back to the hospital where I had my stroke and especially the strIke unit are giving my PTSD, I think. Having mini xxx and reliving the experiences right after the stroke are bringing up feelings I haven’t felt in a long time. Through these 5 years, I can’t say I’ve been angry, but I have been upset, disappointed, frustrated and internalized a lot instead of getting it out. I hope my family doesn’t get sick of my talking about this but I’m reliving things I don’t want to.
I’m so happy that my father is going to rehab, but I’m upset I didn’t have that option, they sent me right home. Was it because most of my challenges were with speech and language? Was it because I had a husband to go home to? He is not a medical professional and was actually going through his own medical issue (radiation for prostate cancer). He was not given any support for the first few days and little information about feeding me. I had swallowing issues when they discharged me.
I’m afraid that thinking about the past experiences is getting me more upset. Even a bit angry. Is this healthy for me? Maybe finally deal with my feelings? I’m not completely sure. But I find I have to think about this at this time.
Times up…..
Until next time…
Great journal prompt! I do hope your dad’s doing alright. I look forward to an update.
I hope everything goes well with your father's recovery, Cheryl! And I totally understand wishing you had had the opportunity of rehab. I'm sure it's normal to have those feelings come up, too. It's probably good to feel them, so you can then release them.
Wishes for your dad's recovery! Hospitals are always such difficult places to be, and my anxiety get to me to when I need to go for anything! I like this idea of a Friday Free Writing, I may need to try that myself! -- Angie V
Oh my goodness!
Bless you as you process all these emotions and memories as they come up! And for your dad's recovery!
I remember a friend saying that finding words after his stroke was like gong to the cupboard for cereal, and picking out a book l can of soup!
Our bookgroup read Dr. Jill Boulty Taylor's book, 'My Stroke of Insight' about her own stroke and recovery - she's also done Ted Talks, which were great to watch.
(Love the Pic of the butterfly, which looks like out Fender's Blue - which was named for my father-in law!)
I totally understand your feelings. It might be worth exploring them further. While you can't turn back the time, you may be able to channel your energy. Some of the reasons your dad is going to rehab may be a) his age and b) a different health care plan?