The first Sunday of August is National Friendship Day. Who knew? I didn't. I just saw it listed in my planner/calendar for the week. Of course, I didn't already know about it so I had to google it.
Apparently it became a national holiday in the US in 1935. I guess the Hallmark company and the Federal government haven't done a good job advertising to me. But at least I know now. It's a bit too late to send my friends a card so I'll write a blog about it and share it on FB this Sunday.
If you knew about it, how do you celebrate National Friendship day? This article suggests that the traditions you made, memorable adventures, fun gatherings and inside jokes, are best relived on Friendship day.
From the website: https://nationaltoday.com/friendship-day/
HOW TO CELEBRATE FRIENDSHIP DAY 2022
Be thankful Start Friendship Day by being thankful for the friends you have and embrace the feeling of being loved and spreading love. Whether you have a small group of close knit friends or a large group of besties, your friends are some of the most important people in your life.
Share memories on your social media The best part of having friends is that you are never alone, especially nowadays that we are just one text away from our friends. Share memories and special moments on your social media to relive some of those early moments that solidified your friend group.
Spend some time with your friends There is no better way to celebrate National Friendship day than spending some time with your friends. Go out, cook together, have a long time video call or celebrate like they do in South Asian countries, like India, gift a friend with colorful friendship band or flower.
But what if your friend has had a stroke and resulting communication challenges like aphasia or apraxia of speech?
Many people in my FB groups and in my online aphasia groups report that they have lost touch with friends or they lost their friendships altogether. Having aphasia itself is isolating. When friendships disappear, it is more isolating.
Growing up, my earliest friendships were with my siblings, my cousins and neighborhood kids. Even now my best friend, besides my husband, is my sister. And I'm still extremely close to my cousins as well even today. Many have been there for me when I’ve been down and especially after the stroke. Their support means the most to me and I especially appreciate the occasional check ins from one.
Most of my close friendships during the adult years came from work. That's great when you’re working together and it makes going to work that much better. When you leave the company or when you have to leave or "retire" from work, you lose the close connection that you had. It is the work that sometimes keeps you together. I’ve been extremely fortunate to have had many of these friendships continue. Of course, in order to keep any friendships alive you have to work at them.
Even under the best situations, you need to make time to connect; in person, by email or text, or on the phone. Now we have more virtual options as well.
Add a communication disorder, such as aphasia and apraxia of speech, and it gets that much more difficult. Mostly because the person with the communication issues has changed. Their way of communicating, in speaking, reading, writing and understanding. The degree to which these things change, varies from person to person. And I can tell you that it changes from day to day and from acticity to actiivity. What I could do one day, the next day I can have trouble with. I now have less trouble writing than I do at speaking but even that is difficult on demand.
Before the stroke, my friends and I were able to quickly catch up mostly by email. Getting together for drinks or lunch or dinner occasionally. Or a quick text here and there and some phone calls when we had the chance.
It’s all changed now. I still love these friends, but I don't know what I can do to keep the connection. For some of these friends, I am the one to organize the friends' zooms, but I get confused by email strings that talk about plans. I don’t really say much on zooms with these friends. When asked to go to listen to music in a place I haven’t been, I’m reticent to say yes.
For other friends, I either talk to them on the phone or email with them. These are also very difficult for me and I do not / cannot share the things I want. I can feel comfortable saying short sentences and perhaps paragraphs from time to time, but I really can’t share all I want to. This makes the conversation very one sided. For now, I hope it’s enough!
Of course I now have new friends after the stroke. These people really understand what I’m going through. They struggle with the day to day challenges of having aphasia; all have had a stroke and have had to deal with losing their independence and have had to struggle with physical pain and challenges. It makes a difference to have these people in my life.
Some suggestions for having a successful friendship with people with aphasia (PWA)
reach out to check in. Send a text or FB message to let the person know you are thinking about them
give the person with aphasia the chance to share what they’ve been doing. Most of us are continuing to do therapy on our own to improve our speech, reading and writing.
ask About our mental health. What we are doing for self care? If the person writes poetry, a blog or does some type of artwork, give them the chance to share it with you.
if you are lucky enough to spend time with them in person do something they like to do. Play a game, watch a movie, listen to music Or take a walk. Time spent doesn’t have to involve a lot of speaking. This will take the pressure off the PWA.
send a card or letter. Something they don’t need to respond to.
share memories about things you have done together. Show pictures if you have them.
research ways to best communicate with people with aphasia.
ask the PWA what would help them communicate best with you. Provide alternative ways to communicate.
understand they might be unable to follow email strings, complicated conversations, but include the PWA in the conversation
know that your friend is still the same; same intellect, some strengthens, same passion. S/he still has lots of ideas to share but can’t. Give them the patience they need.
I wish you a very happy Friendship Day on Sunday. I hope you get to connect with at least one close friend who gives you joy.
until next time.......
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