Looking back at yesterday’s post, I realized that it was starting to sound like a lecture at college, and that is not what this blog about. I am no expert at childrearing or for that matter an expert at recovering from a stroke or even Living with Aphasia. But I believe that sharing our stories can help others and that is what I try to do with this blog. As I say on the home page, I have found that looking back has helped me to look forward in my recovery from stroke and rebuild my self esteem and look toward the future. And focusing on “nurture” this month is a part of recovery.
So, how is talking about nurturing children going to possibly help us in our search for being the best we can be or even how we can recover more fully from a stroke or other trauma? I believe that looking at how we nurture children, can point out ways we can nurture ourselves and others. Because we’re trying to do the thing ….help ourselves become the best person we can and live life to its fullest. And if we care about others, we want the same things for them too.
Let’s first talk about how we as adults nurture the children in our lives?
Using Maslow’s hierarchy of needs gives me a framework for categories. With aphasia, it helps for me to put things in categories and that can help me organize my thoughts better. (One of the strategies I’ve learned along my stroke recovery.)
Maslow starts with the most basic needs - physical needs like food, shelter and rest. And this is sort of self explanatory. We would like all of our children to have satisfying, nutritious meals, a satisfactory place to live, and enough rest so they can function well. We try to provide them the best we can.
Moving up along the pyramid. Adults would like to provide all children with a safe life. Children look to the adults in their lives to provide safety and security. We are there for them when they fall and hurt themselves. We provide support and structure. When I was growing up all the adults in the community helped with this. (It takes a village…)
Next, we look to provide children with good, healthy relationships with adults and friends. Schools, extended family, friends and the community help parents with this as well.
And finally, Maslow talks about Esteem Needs (feeling of accomplishment, prestige, self esteem, identity). Helping children attain a high level of self esteem is what I believe is most important.
Children need to know that they are:
loved unconditionally
unique individuals with strengths
have control of their actions
An important part of a community.
There is a great deal of research on nurturing children and you can find a lot on the internet if you would like. Here is one article I found that talks about helping kids with self esteem and emotional health.
But that is not my primary focus. I’ll bet you know where I’m going with this….Tomorrow I would like to start really talking about how we can nurture ourselves.
But I have a question for anyone who reads this. When you think about the people in your life, who has been the most influential? How have they nurtured you to become the wonderful person you are today?
I agree with all the wisdom you are sharing about how to nurture our children. And I'm looking forward to seeing tomorrow's post.
An excellent post, Cheryl. I don't have children so I can only speak from the child's perspective. My father was absent from when I was 2 - 6. He was overseas in Canada while we were still in China. My mother was my most influential person doing all the nurturing. My paternal grandmother was old the old school, valuing sons over daughters. She was known for not liking girls. My father never learned how to father or nurture even when we were all together in Canada. I am sure it affected me and my siblings a great deal.
Your topic caught my eye because I will stand on any soapbox anywhere and talk about nurturing children. I was forty before giving birth so there was a lot of time to observe other people raising their kids. I learned a lot - both what I would do and would never do. Now I stand in awe as I watch my own children raise theirs and I weep for joy. I see how the same principles my kids were raised with are how they are raising theirs -- in a world that is so different. My mother died when I was a teenager and I still feel her love and her influence which has been passed to my grandchildren.
I would say that the people I remember most from my childhood would be both my grandmothers, and two of my aunts (one from each side). They were all larger than life, and maybe not typically nurturing, but definitely the ones who stand out for me.
It is so nice to meet you also. It’s so nice that had such a wonderful relationship with your grandmother. Her patient presence was a special gift and what she taught was invaluable. God bless. I wish she could have celebrated her 100th with you also.
I am also so grateful that I am able to write all. When I first had the stroke I couldn’t speak at all .and I could only write a few words. With lots of patient speech therapists I finally can express myself in writing but not nearly as well or as easily as I did before. Thanks so much for reading and commenting.