ReBUILD self esteem

I have learned many things since my stroke and I want to share one thing today. You can re-build high self esteem even after a trauma like a stroke with aphasia and apraxia.

As a result of the stroke, I have both aphasia and apraxia of speech which both make communication very difficult. In the beginning of my recovery I couldn’t speak or even make any sound. Once my eyesight got a little bit better, I could read words although with difficulty and I could write limited words, too. I have Broca’s aphasia (non-fluent) which means I can understand written and oral speech with more difficultly than before and have had severely reduced speech, limited vocabulary, and difficultly with writing. In addition to these communication challenges, I also have nerve damage in my face especially near my mouth, central pain syndrome which affects my right hand and neuro-fatigue. I really don’t want to complain. I am so grateful that the stroke didn’t affect me in other ways. I just want to “set the stage” as they say. As you can imagine, these challenges have affected my life in many ways, not the least of which, is my self esteem.

“In psychology, the term self-esteem is used to describe a person's overall sense of self- worth or personal value. In other words, how much you appreciate and like yourself. It involves a variety of beliefs about yourself, such as the appraisal of your own appearance, beliefs, emotions, and behaviors.”

For over 25 years I have been a teacher and coach. I had to “retire” from my dream job, Associate Director of Resident Services, due to the effects of the stroke. In the beginning, I felt as if my whole life was ruined. I was very self conscious of my inability to talk, read, write and understand people in the way I could before. I had to have people tell me when I had food on my face after eating. I didn’t go to the office anymore so I didn’t dress in the same professional manner. Because of the eye problems, I didn’t wear mascara as much. I experienced self doubt of my abilities going forward and I had depression and anxiety. As you can see from the definition of self esteem above, I had low self esteem.

But I can tell you that over the past several months, by practicing what “I teach”, I have been able to rebuild my self esteem and look forward to my continued journey of recovery.

In college and when studying to become a teacher in graduate school, I took several psychology and sociology courses. What most resonated for me, I think, was the part self esteem played in a person’s success. Of course as a teacher I wanted my students to be successful. And as a supervisor I wanted the same for the people on my staff.

Just before graduating, we had to design a philosophy of teaching. I still have a copy of mine today. It’s that important.

As I look back on my career, I see that I’ve always had in the back of my mind the importance of self esteem and how to foster it when dealing with people. In fact, through the years, I have created a chart describing the components of self esteem, always using an acronym to made it easier to remember. Now is no different.

When writing down my story, I have come up with the acronym BUILD, to make it easier for those who will read my book; hopefully those who have aphasia and apraxia like me. By addressing and recognizing the components, those who want to be successful can reBUILD their self esteem.

Look for another blog post about the reBUILD method.