I like when things come together. This is more difficult for me now that I have aphasia but I still like seeing synchronicity - when seemingly random things come together for a reason. It has probably happened to you. When a certain phrase or song or theme keeps coming up for you over and over and you can't think about why. Then you finally get the message. Here are the four things that have been on my mind lately.
1. There is dignity in the struggle.
During the education and resource group session a couple of weeks ago, Jerry asked that we comment on the follow sentence: There is dignity in the struggle. I didn’t have anything to say at that time, but the phrase stuck with me throughout the day. First, I had to look up the meanings of ”dignity” and “struggle” to make sure I knew what I was talking about. With aphasia I am often unsure. The best definitions that fit the intention of the sentence:
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dignity
* a way of appearing or behaving that suggests seriousness and self-control * the quality of being worthy of honor or respect
struggle * To be strenuously engaged with a problem, task, or undertaking: * To have difficulty or make a strenuous effort doing something: * To move or progress with difficult * A strenuous effort in the face of difficulty ** Something that is difficult to do or achieve
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Of course, we all struggle with many things in life. That is the human condition. Learning to do a new activity like riding a bike is a very small example. You struggle at the beginning and then after practicing a lot, you are riding a bike. The same with driving, getting a new job and a lot of other things. But somehow, struggling after having a trauma like a stroke and having to deal with aphasia and apraxia of speech everyday seems different to me. It doesn't feel normal to go back this far. In this group we all have struggled in some way after the stroke and struggle daily with aphasia. Unlike learning to ride a bike, some of this feels undignified . Having to relearn to speak and communicate with others. Having to rely on others to basic needs, not being able to do the simple things you could do before, not being able to drive and be by yourself and not feeling fully independent. But then I looked at the meaning of dignity again and I realize that what we do takes a lot of self control and effort. And patience. By struggling with the hardships every day and not giving up, …By doing what it takes to be more independent, being able to convey a message in some way even if it's not verbal can bring us more in control and gives us our self respect Continuing to do things every day even though they are hard is worthy of respect.
There is honor and self control in doing something which is difficult to do or difficult to achieve. Therefore, I believe there IS dignity in the struggle.
2. Don’t Quit In the same session, another participant, Jim, read this poem which is titled, Don't Quit.
“Don’t Quit”
When things go wrong, as they sometimes will, When the road you're trudging seems all uphill, When the funds are low and the debts are high, And you want to Smile but have to sigh. When care is pressing you down a bit, Rest, if you must, but don't you quit. Life is queer with its twists and turns, As every one of us sometimes learns, And many a failure turns about, When he might have won if he had stuck it out, Don't give up though the pace seems slow, You might succeed with another blow. Often the goal is nearer than, It seems to a faint and faltering man, Often the struggler has given up, When he might have captured the victor's cup. And he learned too late, when the night slipped down, How close he was to the golden crown. Success is failure turned inside out, The silver tint of the clouds of doubt, And you never can tell how close you are, It may be near when it seems so far, So stick to the fight when you're hardest hit, It's when things seem worst that you must not quit. ~John Greenleaf Whittier ~Edgar A. Guest
I thank Jim for sending this poem. It is when everything seems at it's worst that you must not quit. The thing you most want could be right around the corner. I suspect that at times we all have wondered if all the energy we have to expend is worth the it. I believe it's worth it.
3. Nurture yourself and others in order to be the best you can be.
Last month (November) I have blogged about how nurturing ourselves and others is important for us to be the very best we can be (the actualization for Maslow Hierarchy of Needs). I keep going, striving to be better every day not only in my communication skills, but also to be the best person I can be. The struggle is worth it, I think. There is dignity in always striving to best the person we can be. I talked a lot about nurturing yourself and others in order for actualization to occur.
4. Make today the day that everything falls into place.
In a recent session our group watched a short film, Two strangers who meet five times, written and directed by Marcus Markou. And the group actually had the chance to meet him on zoom last week. Here is the link to the film which is about 13 minutes long. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BzKtI9OfEpk&t=146s
This short film is about many important things - racism, compassion, redemption, friendship and communication, but I see that it can also be about being “the best we can be.“ Two people, Alistair and Samir meet at 5 different points in their lives. At some points in time, they could be friends. At a time when Alistair falls into hardship because of his own actions, Samir helps him and says “make today the day everything falls into place.” We see at the 5th time they meet, that Alistair must have taken this advice, because he is now in a better place and can actually help others. (He is a better person.)
There is so much to learn from every thing that happens to us, every we experience, and these 4 things that I’ve talked about today may not affect you at all, or may actually make you think differently. For me, I have gotten the message that I don’t want to quit and want to make sure that I continue to strive to live fully each day in order to be the best me I can be. And I think I’ve figured out my word of the year for 2022. Stay tuned for the next blog.
until the next time we meet.
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