What defines me now?

This week we started the spring session of Finding Our Voices, a public speaking group for people with aphasia similar to Toastmasters. This group started to meet weekly on February 15, 2023. We’ve had three sessions so far and learned a lot - about how we can improve our speaking ability through writing and practicing our speeches, and giving short, unrehearsed answers to questions similar to what they do in a toastmasters table topics, and through active listening to our fellow participants and providing them with constructive feedback to help them achieve their goals.

Six of us have participated since the beginning so we know each other well. Since there are 3 new participants, each of us will to do a 3-4 minute introduction presentation this week. I’m struggling a bit to do this. I don’t want it to be the same one I wrote for the 1st session, even though I didn’t present it back when we began. Everyone was just speaking “off the cuff” that day so I felt a bit weird doing a formal presentation. I still like what I wrote back then and could take the easier way out. Even though I would like to share about the beginning of my stroke/journey as I think the new people who find some benefit in that (shared experience); I do want to present the information a new way probably highlighting more about who I am, not only what happened to me on the day on Mother’s Day, 2019 when I had the stroke after having routine surgery. I think maybe I’m ready to put some of it to the side.

I can’t change what happened. I had a stroke and have communication issues, but I don't share this right away to people who I meet. Sometimes I have to tell people I had a stroke and have communication issues so they can understand and help me when I can’t speak the way I want or need to sometimes. I also want to remember the lessons I learned so I can possibly help make others’ journey a bit easier. But, with the 5 year anniversary coming up soon, it may be time to expand the narrative.

So who am I now? Who was I before the stroke? Even with the trauma I have still felt like me. Even when I couldn’t talk. Even when I couldn’t dress myself or take care of my needs. Deep down I know I was the same Cheryl I’ve always been. ( I know many stroke survivors don’t feel the same way. )

A lot of times when people ask who you are? What you do? We instinctively share what we do for a living. Back then I would say, “I’m the Associate Director of Resident Services”. I knew I was much more than that, but that was a big part of my identity back then.

Since having to “retire” I needed to reconnect with my core values. What am I still here for? My jobs have always been the vehicle to fulfill what I think is my purpose, to help people (find their strengths, be successful and be self sufficient) Without a job, I had to remember that I still have strengths and remind myself that my life still has purpose, even if I still searching for ways to do that with my communication challenges.

For almost 5 years I have been focused on the lack. The lack of a job. The lack of fluency, both in writing (because words don’t come easily) and especially in speaking. When I’ve had to struggle to say even the simplest words, I focused on that.

I've devoted so much time and energy to my speaking. (Most of the time embarrassed about the way I sounded.) First as a way to get the sounds, words, and sentences out. Then to sound more "normal". And now to get as much as I can out, in an organized way. This time, of course, was valuable but did I spend too much time and energy sometimes forsaking other activities which could have been as valuable?

Now I think I’m ready to focus on what I have. I can’t speak the way I used to. And I might never be able to. I'm so grateful that people understand me. I am grateful that I can share some of my thoughts with you.

Until next time....

P.S. In case you are wondering what I said in the meeting this week. Here it is:

Since we set the date for this new session of Finding Our Voices, I’ve been thinking a lot about what I want to tell you today.

* I think there is value to telling you that I am a stroke survivor and like all of you, I have aphasia, but I also have apraxia of speech and slight dysarthria. I also think when I share my stroke journey with others who have not had a stroke, it’s valuable to tell them that my stroke was classified as cryogenic, which means without a known cause, even though I KNOW it was caused by the routine surgery to repair my right rotator cuff. I want everyone to know that stroke can be a real complication of surgery. ‘“

*But That's just one thing that happened to me, not who I am. So who am I?

*When you were going to school, were you ever asked to tell something about yourself using the letters of your name? I don't actually remember what I said all those years ago but here's what I would put today:

C - caring

H - helpful

E - empathetic

Y - young at heart

L - Loyal

*What I’d also like to tell you is my favorite color is purple. When I was growing up I insisted that the wallpaper in my bedroom be purple. I had a purple comforter. I was kind of obsessed with purple through college. I'm not that crazy now.

*I used to be a teacher and a director of programs so I’m pretty bossy. I like to be in charge even though I’m an introvert

*When I'm near water, I feel my most calm. My parents owned a condo in Daytona Beach in Florida. Spending time there was the best. When I want to ground myself, I imagine being back there.

*I think there is something magical about butterflies. When one passes by or lands on me, I feel my mother’s presence. She passed away shortly after my stroke.

*I have a great big family. My father was one of 7 kids and my mother was one of 5. I have 28 cousins and many more second cousins. I have a supportive husband and two terrific grown kids.

*I live in RI but spend most of my time in VA where my granddaughter Kiera, lives.

I have had a wonderful life so far, filled with many experiences. too many to share here.

*But

Before I end, let’s play two truths and a lie. You can put your anonymous guess in the survey. So..Which is the lie?

1. I used to live with prostitutes.

2. I won $1000 dollars in the lottery.

3. My picture was in the newspaper. Stay turned to hear about the real stories in future presentations.