When I thought of how to start today's blog, I kept thinking about a scene from the movie "The Help" with Viola Davis. In this scene, Davis tells the child she is taking care of "You is smart. You is special. You is important."
Who doesn't need to hear this?
I know I needed to hear this many times in my lifetime, but especially after the stroke and the ongoing aphasia and apraxia. When a stroke leaves you dependent upon others, it can hard to remember you are a capable person. (But you are!) Living with aphasia and apraxia, makes communication very difficult and this can make you question not just your competence but your value to the world. (aphasia itself doesn't affect intelligence.)
As you may remember from last week's post (https://cheryltondreau.wixsite.com/blog/post/rebuild-self-esteem-ubc-3 )
“In psychology, the term self-esteem is used to describe a person's overall sense of self- worth or personal value. In other words, how much you appreciate and like yourself. It involves a variety of beliefs about yourself, such as the appraisal of your own appearance, beliefs, emotions, and behaviors.”
The U in reBUILD is Unique. Remember you are a unique, individual worthy of love and respect. Each one of us is a special, unique person with strengths and abilities, important thoughts and desires.
It's worth to note that self-esteem varies throughout life. Hopefully our parents and others in our life helped us to build a healthy self esteem where we feel good about ourselves and our abilities. So we have self love and a positive regard of ourselves. I have a lovely granddaughter. I want her to know that she is loved just because she is she. In the car, we play "who loves Kiera?" we start with Mommy and progress with everyone we know. I also want her to know that love is unconditional.
Individuality - self identity is an important component of self esteem. As discussed last week, (in the B strategy, Belonging) part of our identity comes from the connection we have with others, i.e. roles we play - mom, worker, community member etc. Identity also comes from how we see ourselves personally. Our sense of humor, our physical image, our emotions, character, etc. How we view ourselves is shaped from experiences and situations we find ourselves in.
An important part of rebuilding self esteem is focusing on our uniqueness. What makes us special. It’s not just the things we are able (or not able to do). It’s the content of our character. The way we treat and respect other people and ourselves. I contend that we are still the same wonderful person we were just before the traumatic event. That event doesn't have to define us. It happened and we need to deal with the effects, sure.
There are many practical things you can do to help. I will share them in the book or short e-book.
So I'll just leave you with this mantra.
You is smart. You is kind. You is important.... You is very, very special!
Cheryl, yes-- what we believe about ourselves is key. I was just listening to a Joel Osteen podcast this morning on this very thing. We need to build strong self-esteem and disregard any signals or words from anyone indicating we are less than worthy. Each is precious. Love your mantra! Blessings to you--
Thanks for sharing this Lily! It takes a lot of determination to use circumstances you've face as stepping stones, & not stumbling blocks. Your blog was very thoughtful and I'm sure will uplift many people. Good luck in the UBC.
I love your mantra, Cheryl. Thanks for your posts on recovering from your stroke. You are educating us.