I was just driving and I heard Michael Jackson's Man in the Mirror. I think this is the perfect song to listen to for this blog post about How having an Internal sense of Control can help a person Rebuild self esteem.
In case you missed the first two ways to reBUILD self esteem after stroke and to live well with aphasia and apraxia, here are the links:
Today we will talk about how focusing on what you can control, and how having a more internal locus of control, can help self esteem. How you feel about yourself and your abilities after a trauma such as a stroke can xx
Long, long ago, when I was in a college psychology class, I first learned about "Locus of Control" and that concept stayed with me. Throughout my life and especially when I was teaching, I thought about how having an internal locus of control, or an internal sense of control, helps us be more successful in life and help us to achieve our goals. Or in other words, if I am more aware of what I CAN control and what I CAN'T, how does that make my life better, easier and perhaps help me succeed more.
Having an internal sense of control can even help us to create goals. For if I don't think something is under my control, how can I even think of this is a potential goal.
From Psychology Today
“What Is Locus of Control?
Locus of control refers to the degree to which an individual feels a sense of agency in regard to his or her life. Someone with an internal locus of control will believe that the things that happen to them are greatly influenced by their own abilities, actions, or mistakes. A person with an external locus of control will tend to feel that other forces—such as random chance, environmental factors, or the actions of others—are more responsible for the events that occur in the individual's life.
I tried to draw a chart of locus of control, or the sense of control. I did this in order to have something I could make more personal and explain more fully.
Next time I will change the colors a bit and add more detail. I now feel that the brown arrows should be green.
As you can see, there are things we can control in the green space in the middle. These are mostly things we can all agree we can control - our actions, our thoughts, our attitude, the way we treat people, our reactions. (of course there are some circumstances that affect our ability to do these things.)
I’m reminded of the phrase, “you can lead a horse to water but you cannot make him drink.“
A person must want to do something. We have free will. However, if we want, we can try to influence them to do it.
In the outside circle in red are the things we can't control - the weather, the economy, the trauma we experienced when we had the stroke, our past......
But there is a big middle circle labeled "Things we can influence". It is there that I believe the people who think with a more internal sense of control can see more possibilities. And those who have a more external sense of control can only see the limits. They think they can’t control these things.
So what happans to many of us when we experience a debilitating stroke? Apraxia and apraxia resulting? When we lose control over some physical activities, walking or use of our hands? Can't communicate anymore?
Even if we formerly viewed life with an internal sense of control may struggle.
Realizing that you could have more control than you thought is empowering! Looking at things in a different way and believing you CAN influence them can open many possibilities.
What you said you CANNOT do, maybe is possible when you consider that it may be a thing in the Things you can influence. I believe that the the things you absolutely cannot control is small besides the things you can possibly control something if you look outside the box a bit.
Once again, there is too much to discuss in detail in a short blog. Rest assured that I write about this more.
Another song for your listening pleasure that will help you know your power to change and achieve.
Fight Song - Rachel Platten
until next time……
I love that you share songs in your blog posts.
Great post, thanks for sharing your insights on locus of control and how it can impact self-esteem. The picture/image/drawing you created is a helpful visual aid that clearly illustrates the different areas we can control and influence. I found it particularly interesting how you discussed how a person with an internal locus of control can see more possibilities and how that can be empowering, especially in the case of a traumatic event such as a stroke. I will definitely keep this in mind as I work to improve my own self-esteem and perspective. I am looking forward to more detailed discussions on this topic in future posts.
Cheryl, you are so right: aside from the things we totally can or cannot control, there are many things we can influence and people we can INVITE to change. Thanks for the Michael Jackson song, which I had never heard/watched all the way through. And thanks for the Fight Song by Rachel Platten, which I also had never heard/watched all the way through. So much to think about! Warmest wishes in your recovery journey! Keep writing! I know you help many others.